I was really starting to get in the Christmas Spirit, until I found out that my husband would be deploying overseas 5 days before Christmas. This is the 2nd time in THREE years that we have been screwed out of Christmas with him. I know that he chose this job, and I am very grateful that he has a job that provides for us so well. I do not like the trade-off. This will be the 2nd birthday of his that we have missed spending with him. This will also be the 2nd anniversary out of 5 that we will not be celebrating together.
I am just not feeling into it this year. There's been so much bad news in this world and in my world lately. My problems seem so small compared to the grief that the families of those poor little innocent babies and their caretakers massacred in the sanctuary of their school. That's about as bad as it gets, I hope. However, my problems are still my problems. I feel like I should have the right to sit around and pout for a couple of days if I want to. I know it seems selfish, and really juvenile. I just don't feel like being the "strong one" right now. I want to cry. I want to complain. I want to cry some more. That is the only way that I feel like I will be able to get it out of my system.
Part of me wants to take it out on my husband, even though I know it's not his fault. Well, it's kind of his fault. I mean, he did CHOOSE to go back into this field. He did CHOOSE a job that would take him overseas for weeks, or even months at a time. He also "let" me rent our brand new home out to join him while he was in the US about 1000 miles away. Now that he's leaving, my only options are to find another home (furnished) to rent (because there is absolutely NO WAY that I am moving my stuff again until my house is available), or to stay with my parents. My husband wants me to stay with either my parents or his parents. I would feel MUCH more comfortable with my parents, because...well...they're MY PARENTS. However, I don't like to intrude on their peace and quiet. I have a noisy two year old that likes to throw food at the table. I also have a dog that is rather large, and makes their much smaller dogs a little nervous. With that being said, my folks are pretty awesome people. I know that it's not in their plans to have their 30-something daughter and her 2 year old, accompanied by my big dog and my cat and her smelly litter box moving back into their home. However, they are both pretty generous, and I plan to do as much as I can to help out while I'm there. Cleaning?? Let me do it. Cooking? I haven't cooked in a couple of months, but I'd love to help out if I can. I will help out with the groceries, and anything else they need while I'm there. I'm hoping they're not ready to throw me out before my husband comes back!
So, please excuse me if I'm not in the holiday spirit this year. I've got some stuff on my mind. It may not be a big deal to you or anyone else, but it's a big deal to me.